


Edward Nygma, romance adviser

by Diddle_Riddle



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: But he has no idea what to do with that, Crack Fic, Damian is in love, Edward is reformed for years, Gen, So he asks Eddie, The Batfamily and him are good friends, they all love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 10:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddle_Riddle/pseuds/Diddle_Riddle
Summary: Everyone in the Batfamily is used to ask Edward for advises, about cases sure, but also in more private areas. They all trust him, he's a very good friend, and he knows... everything.So when Damian felt... something, for the first time, that wasn't anger, toward another person, he thought he could ask as well. Maybe. In his way, at least. After all, he was Robin, he had a reputation. He wasn't going to say he had a... crush, and had no idea what to do now, right ?





	Edward Nygma, romance adviser

**Author's Note:**

> Robin is in patrol, but everything is quiet in this part of the city. So he went to Ed's apartment to ask for an advise.

Entering by the window, Damian sneaked silently in the office. The lights were still on even at this late hour, so he wasn't surprised to see Edward typing on his computer's keyboard, papers organised way too neatly around him on the desk. He was on a tricky case.

Robin took a few steps toward him, what of course Ed didn't notice, too into his work. That made the boy smirk, and he couldn't help himself but yell, from just being him :

"Nygma !"

As usual, the detective jumped out of his skin, and turned around hurrily to face the child whom just grinned at him.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you ?!", he cried, clearly trying to reclaim a normal heartbeat. "Can't you at least... I don't know, just _try_ not to give me a heart attack ?!..."

"Tut tut.", he smirked again, and Eddie knew it was a lost battle.

"You really are your father's son...", he sighed with a smile, and Robin looked kinda proud upon hearing that.

However he went back to his serious state rather quickly, and Edward asked :

"So, why are you here in your patrol's time, except to make me startle ? Need my help with something ?"

He was always ready to assist the bats, and always enjoyed it. It was a... very comforting feeling, to know just how much they trusted him.

Damian crossed his arms on his chest, and said bluntly, as if he was ready to kill :

"I need an advice."

"… Sure.", Ed nodded, used to this insufferable kid's behaviours. "What can I do for you ? You're on a case ?"

"No."

But he didn't pursue. Now that was starting to worry him a bit...

"Damian ? Is everything all right ?", he asked, getting up of his chair.

The boy didn't seem to be injured or anything, but...

"It's not.", he answered angrily. "I need... to know things. About stuff."

"… Now that's very clear."

But he had learnt to be patient, it was an essential skill with the bat kids. So he just took back, in his most gentle voice :

"Give me more to work on. You know I won't tell if you don't allow me to."

"… I know."

It was true. Even if he still wasn't sure how or when, Edward had become something like an advisor, therapist even, for the bat nest. They all liked him in their own way, even Jason acknowledged he really trusted him.

"Do you want something ?", Eddie asked so, ready for a therapy session. "Hot chocolate ?"

"No ! I'm on patrol."

"Okay..."

Damian stayed angry a few more seconds, before letting go.

"I need... a general advice. For something that may or may not have very little to do with me."

"Thanks for the enlightening."

Sure, this was going to last...

"Damian, I'm not here to judge you. I won't. So if there's something you want to talk about, I'm here and..."

"Stop playing mother, Nygma ! I'm not Grayson, you don't have to talk to me like I was five to make me understand things ! And you look stupid."

"Charming..."

But he couldn't suppress a smile. And at least, it worked. The little brat finally opened up.

"I need a short list of the things to avoid if... If I wanted one day... maybe... to talk to someone I like."

"You... wait, are you..."

This was just too much.

"Do you have a _crush_ on someone, baby bird ?"

"Nygma !"

"No, sorry ! Don't hit me !"

He quickly placed the wheeled desk chair between the two of them, just to be safe. Even if he was well aware that won't be much help if Robin wanted to get to him...

But the boy just sighed with clear frustration.

"So ?", he said sharply. "Are you gonna help or what ?!"

"I am...", he answered cautiously. "Have you... already talked to that person ?"

"None of your business."

"… Wow, this is going to be a long night..."

And honestly, his current case sounded easier to deal with than the Wayne brat in love...

"Look, Damian, if you're not gonna say anything, I'm busy too and..."

"I only need something fast for now.", he decided then, a bit less aggressive. "Just tell me a few rules about things I should avoid to do at first. And I'll come back to you later."

"All right, well..."

He quickly thought about it. Then a wide grin appeared on his face.

"So, let me tell you the two most important things to observe about romance."

"Not something too elaborate to begin.", he grumbled.

"Don't worry. Just two rules you should never break, and they are equally important."

"All right..."

"First : don't ever fall in love with a gay girl. And second : don't ever fall in love with a straight boy."

Eddie lasted something like one second before he bursted out laughing seeing the _face_ Damian made at that. And then he could take note of how ineffective the chair indeed was to keep him safe from a furious Robin.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a joke, really. Don't take it seriously ^^


End file.
